“ALL the best decisions start with F-it.”

Full Disclosure– this is not really how I envisioned my maiden voyage into blogging to begin.

“The site isn’t quite where I want it… there was another topic I was going to dazzle potential readers with… I’m not ready… I need more time… It’s silly… People will laugh…You are NOT a writer…My coffee is cold… “.

All of the above and a whole slew of other thoughts primarily based in fear supported why I should move this to another To-Do list for another day. As I sat in front of the screen scrolling and doing anything but writing I was reminded that incredible things can happen when you can leap before you look. Sometimes, nodding to the fears and doing something anyway is what’s called for. Some times you just gotta say “F-it”.

Today’s imagery and quote are brought to you courtesy of FB and a screen shot of comments related to a post from a year ago today. My friend Shannon thought she’d be hilarious and tag me and another friend in a post about an Ecstatic Dance event at her Yoga studio. I say hilarious because both Audrey and I had recently expressed our aversion and complete disinterest in anything dance related. If you weren’t at the particular circle where all of this started here’s a smidgen of the backstory….

Like all good things, it started with a bunch of women sitting in a circle sharing. I’m not sure if we were discussing that particular upcoming dance event or some other horrific dance thingy but we both said something along the lines of… we’d gladly meditate, Yoga, sit in circles, sacrifice virgins, chant, drink ALL the cacao and do just about anything with our sisters…EXCEPT DANCE! Alright, I added the sacrificing virgins part to draw you back in but technically that’s kinda what ended up happening… that’s a whole different post though for another day.

OK, back to today’s monumentally profound entry- At first glance, that Julie chic in the screenshot looks fearless AF right? I mean, how BAD-ASS of a response was that ???!!!… “I’ll see your funny FB tag and raise you a dancing in front of people…” I’d love to tell ya’ll that I was feeling as fearless as the comment sounded but that’s not entirely true. It’s more accurate to say I was basking in the afterglow of a very intense LifeLine session and grasping desperately at just about anything that looked or felt like change. For about thirty seconds, accepting an invitation to dance in public with other people seemed hugely powerful and I rode the wave of shock and adrenaline that followed. Then the gravity of it sank in and it immediately felt like a really bad idea. It was like being secured into a roller coaster and realizing as the cars start moving that you’ve changed your mind and you want off. Pure panic- held at bay by what I’ll call pride and/or stubbornness (because it certainly wasn’t fearlessness LOL). I’m pretty sure Shannon offered me an out later than same evening but instead of letting fear (and common fucking sense, LOL) rule, I nodded to both in acknowledgment and told her I’d see her at dancing.

Fun fact: I am a CONTROL FREAK! I’m not particularly spontaneous; I like to know the ending before I start. I need a plan and then a back up plan. I don’t thrive on pushing my limits and for longer than I’d like to admit, I’ve existed in a comfort zone that is anything but most days. I’m not promoting throwing caution to wind in terms of decisions that warrant thoughtful exploration or are a matter of life, death, health, wealth etc.. I’m not over here suggesting we replace appropriate logic and reasoning with an “F-it” or “YOLO” mentality. Using our minds, discovering available options, examining the pros and cons of said options and making decisions accordingly are valuable tools to have at our disposal. That said, I have come to understand that not every decision we make requires the same level of consideration. Something can be uncharted, uncomfortable or even life-changing and still not be huge or life-threatening. Fear tells us otherwise. Fear convinces us that the “risks” involved in even the most minor of shifts greatly outweighs any potential gain, keeping us stuck where we are and disguising itself as safety.

To dance or not to dance was one of those seemingly terrifying but not actually life- threatening decisions. Thankfully and not unlike how this writing thing began today, while fear screamed things like “Danger”, “Stop”, “You can’t even dance” and “You’re crazy”, my fingers typed a different response.

Many of you know how the next day turned out and I cannot wait to share about all the AMAZING things that have happened since then but a year ago TODAY is where I simultaneously lost my mind and found my way. A year ago today I made one of THE BEST decisions of my life and it started with “F-it.”